How to Know and Safeguard your Authentic Self

When we identify something as authentic, we are labelling it based on its undisputed origin. It is considered an original and above all, genuine. The quality of being authentic is defined as authenticity.

Authenticity resides on the inside. It is not outside riding along in the steady stream of social media likes or volume of followers. Finding our way to our authentic selves “out there,” begins with intimately knowing ourselves inside.

In psychology, authenticity is said to be the constant characterization of a personality. It is believed that self-concept is connected to behavior and that behavior can identify areas of non congruence which is a fancy way of saying that there's a misalignment between who you are and how you're showing up in the world.

Self-confidence is fueled when you show up authentically over time. Authenticity correlates with an individual's perception of himself and his role in the world. For many of us, much of our roles in life are played out in the workplace. If you find yourself forced into an adaptive mode within a work culture that places demands on you to be someone that you are not, your confidence will erode, and your authentic self will fade.

Adaptive vs. Authentic Self

The opposite of our authentic self is the adaptive self which becomes a learned way of being. In your early childhood when you just wanted to fit in with the other kids, the adaptive self may have been fueled by a need for community and belonging. However, when you're an adult, your adaptive self may come to life as a means of survival. Imagine working because you desperately need an income to survive. Perhaps you’re a single mom and are just living paycheck to paycheck responding to the pressures and challenges at work. In this scenario, adaptive behavior certainly has a purpose – survival. But, even if survival is at the very heart of it, these adaptive styles are not sustainable. Your efforts to survive and jump through the “hoops” to meet expectations may keep your hand on a paycheck but in the meantime, it'll cut off the heart of who you are, and be the death of your authentic self. In contrast, imagine an “adaptive,” responsive, work culture that allows employees to establish themselves in the workplace as their authentic selves and mandates it as a way of demonstrating the value it places on diversity in the workforce?

So how do you know if you're showing up authentically or in an adaptive mode? Often. it's not a knowing it's a feeling. Consider for a moment, how does it feel when you are honoring your deep sense of who you are? How does it feel to be triggered into an adaptive mode? Once you have a deep understanding of those feelings, you can begin to determine what you know. For example, what do you know to be true? What do you know that you need? If you honor yourself and have an awareness of your needs, you will remain grounded in authenticity knowing that your needs are met as you show up as your one true self. Before you run an assessment to determine whether you're being authentic or not, spend some time getting grounded by figuring out what it means for YOU to be authentic.

A straightforward way to begin your journey into authenticity is to find a picture of yourself as a child from the first seven years of your life. Take a look at the photo and ask yourself what emotions surface in this photo? If you're at play, what are the expressions on your face? What are you spending your time doing? Who are you spending your time with? Study the eyes. Are they wide open in wonder and curiosity? Are you deep at work in the business of play creating, building, learning, exploring, or being adventurous?

Classify the photo with a declaration of “I am.” Here are some examples:  I am filled with curiosity and wonder! I am inquisitive. I am wildly creative. I am adventurous and find myself through exploration. I am an analyst and find meaning in segmenting things into their integral parts.

Once you've established what your true essence is, ask yourself is that curiosity and wonder still a part of my authentic self? Does my adventurous soul still reside within me, and do I allow it to come out and play? Am I honoring the creativity that is inherently within me running along every strand of my DNA? Have those elements of my authentic self or my essence disappeared? Where did they go?

Did someone rob you of your curiosity and wonder somewhere along your journey? Were you silenced and did your authenticity die with it as a result of someone else telling you how or who you should be? Or did you allow your inner pleaser to take over and siphon your authenticity along with it? Giving way to a pleaser will stifle your authentic self as a result of telling yourself who you should be to feel accepted and loved.

What Becomes of Authenticity When You Don’t Honor It?

If our authentic selves are ignored, abused, or disrespected, they will go into deep hiding to the point that we may not recognize them as being part of our true self. However, if we revisit our definition of authenticity, you will know it is inherently original and uniquely you. It may not be a steadfast presence in your life at home or at work, but it still lives. Your authentic self may have been buried or disappeared into hiding over time, but you can retrieve it and breathe life back into it. When it only makes fleeting appearances and goes unnoticed for consecutive moments, you may not readily recognize it, but you can take a step to honor it by calling it out. The first step is the awareness that it is not present in your daily life and then work to create a safe harbor for its return. An experienced coach can partner with you on this journey.

If your authentic self is on life support, safeguard its demise with these two fundamental action steps.

1              Stop, Look & Listen

Pause. Close your eyes and heighten all of your senses. Where do falsehoods crowd your thinking and lead to inauthentic actions? Listen intently for that still small voice of your authentic self that yearns to be in the driver’s seat and lead you to success and happiness. Open your eyes to the vision of an authentic life for yourself at home and at work. Recall the words of your older, wiser self.

2              Live According to Your Values

What do you value? Are you living in accordance with those values? Being aligned with your values ensures you are showing up authentically in the business of life. Living and leading from your core values puts you in step with a truly authentic life.